Where do I go from here?
by dustinout19
Summary: Joel and Ellie are brought back in time to Austin, Texas, a year before the outbreak. They must adapt and accept their new lives while also searching for answers for their purpose of being brought back. Alternate Universe.
1. Chapter 1

**So I wrote this story way back in 2014 and I did publish it, but I took it down after only the first chapter. This is an Alternate Universe story (if you didn't read the summary) and in no way could every happen in real life, but whatever. The idea of Joel and Ellie going 'back in time' has been played around with before and I know has been kind of overused _but,_ I hope you still stick around and give it a read. I have written the next 10 chapters and if people want it, I will provide.**

* * *

It surrounded me. Ice cold water layered my body and engulfed me. I was pumping my legs back and forth trying to swim to the surface as the water whipped me down and through the river. My heart was in my throat and I tried to grip on to something, but my hands kept grasping on to water as I was pushed deeper into the rivers ground. Panic was starting to take over me and I breathed in by accident. Water filled my nose and my hands wrapped around my face and neck as I tried to cough it out. I was chocking and I couldn't see clearly. My body was dragged down the river like a piece of drift wood, and I started to pump my legs again. I felt my chest clench around my body and I could hear my heart beat in my ears. I couldn't breathe in. I couldn't breathe out. I needed help, I was going to die! Where was Joel? JOEL! I opened my eyes up to see the top of the river and saw his blurry body running trying to catch up with me, his hand dipping in the water to find mine every so often. My breath was caught in my throat and my muscles wouldn't move. _Reach for him you idiot!_ But I couldn't. My head started ringing and blurs of black dots started to cover my vision. _NO! No this can't be it! It can't be over!_ I could feel my heart pump loudly and my head felt like it was going to explode. My limbs were limp by my side and my eyes started to close slowly losing grip off sound. _I need to fight_ , I thought. _Don't go to the light! Don't go to the light! This can't be it! Joel help me! This can't be the en-_

* * *

My eyes fluttered open and I kept them on the grey ceiling on top off me for a while. The sound of water filled my ears as my hearing started coming back to me and I was able to move my eyes back and forth. I was in a room. Wait, a nice room. I was lying on a bed with grey and white covers that were clean as a whistle. The room was light blue and had posters all on the walls of some shit I didn't know. There was a white dresser across from the bed and a white desk with a green chair next to me. _Where the fuck am I?_ I got up from the bed my head still spinning from a headache. _Oh fuck! I almost died falling into a river!_ Now where was I? I looked down my hair falling in front of my face and saw I was wearing blue shorts and a short sleeved shirt that had the letters ACDC on it.

I swung my feet over the bed and rubbed my eyes, squeezing them to get the pain out of my head. I went to the open window, which had white lace curtains draping over it and looked outside into the midnight air. My head peered out and caught the sight I thought I'd never see. Cars! So many of them driving down a street! Wait a second. The street had headlights over it and on the side there were stores with lights on and people coming in and out of it! My mouth was wide open and my hands covered it in shock. What the hell is going on here? I stumbled back from the window, away from the outside and my heel knocked into the frame of the bed with a loud **clunk.**

"FUCK!" I yelled and grabbed my foot, hopping up and down. Anger and confusion clouded in my chest and I headed for the door that lead out of the room. What the fuck is going on? Where is Joel? I opened the door to find myself in a hallway of a house. There was carpet under my feet and paintings on the wall. I looked around quietly for anyone, when a painting caught my eye. It was a family portrait of three people. I walked up to it and let my eyes settle on the painting, they were still having trouble adjusting to the light. I squinted and saw a little girl around 10 smiling back at me with short blonde hair and rosy cheeks. Next to her was a man, about 30 with dark black hair that covered half of his face just enough so you could see his smile and brown eyes. He looked too familiar. As I got closer to him my heart jumped in my throat. HOLY SHIT ITS JOEL! Way younger I must say, but still it's him! I scanned my eyes across the painting next to the girl to see a somewhat short teenager, wearing a black sweater and a slight smile, with her auburn bangs falling on top of her eyes. My stomach swirled around and my heart fell to the pit of it. It-it was me...

Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god! _Just breathe Ellie, just breathe_. This has to be a dream, but it's just too real. I think I'm going to throw up. Just as I bent down to catch my breath from the shock, a door creaked open behind me and I whipped my head around to see a little girl with blonde hair come out of the room rubbing her eyes, obviously just waking up from her slumber. It was the girl from the portrait.

"E-Ellie?" she croaked and walked hazily towards me. I backed up from her holding on to the wall for support.

"What do you want? W-where am I" I said to her and she scrunched her eyebrows together at me and squinted. _How the hell did she know my name?_ I need to get out of here and find Joel.

"What the hell are you doing? Ugh, it's late" she said and tussled her hair. I brought myself up with the support of the wall and pushed my hair behind my ears with my shaking hands. She took a step closer to me and I instinctively backed up and put my hands in front of me.

"I think that's close enough. Now tell me. Who are you and what am I doing here?" I said and brought my hands to my sides and clenched my fists as she backed up a bit to my first sentence.

She crossed her arms in front of her and sneered, "I am your sister, dumbass, what kind of games are you playing, because I'm not in the mood." She gave an annoyed groan and looked at me with squinted eyes. _Sister?_ This was too weird. She was being serious though.

"I-uh..." My voice was caught in my throat. I wanted to scream at her, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU! and TELL ME WHERE I AM NOW! But, she stood there so innocently and still I decided not to jump on her, but I needed answers, now.

She put her arms down and started twisted her foot on the ground. "Look, dad's not home, and I was having a really bad nightmare. C-can I sleep with you?" she asked quietly and peered up at me with big blue eyes. _Oh no._ I don't even know this girl (well apparently were sisters, or some shit) and now she wants me to comfort her.

"Uh..." I stuttered and shuffled around her. I saw a door leading to a small room that had a toilet in it and looked back at her. "I uh... need to um... pee", and with that I made a b line around her and went straight for the bathroom closing the door behind me and locked it. I placed my hands over the sink and took a deep breath in.

"Okay Ellie" I said looking at my reflection in the mirror above the sink. "You're okay. You're just in some really strange place that you have no idea where it is, and there's some girl calling you your sister. When you get out of here, you're going to run down stairs and go to the nearest shop, and get answers. Yeah, you can do this. Totally fine." I smiled reassuringly at myself, and jumped when I heard the girl's small voice from outside the door.

"Are you okay?" her little voice peered through the door.

"Mhhm.." I practically yelled back and started hyperventilating. _Okay, remember your plan._ I turned the taps and water came out, surprisingly. I put my hands under and warm water and was instantly filled with pleasure, _oh wow._ I licked my lips and dried my hands on the towel. Get yourself together, I thought.

I unlocked the door and opened it slowly looking for the girl, but she wasn't there. She must have gone into the room I was in. I took this opportunity and started tip toing on the carpet towards the staircase. Going silently down it, my adrenaline started kicking in as I descended the staircase and ran to the front door past the living room, ignoring the girl calling my name behind me from the bedroom.

I reached for the door handle and just as I was about to open it, it swung open and there was a man standing before me. I jolted back away from the door as he stood there still clutching the door.

"Ellie?" a musky voice came from the man's body and relief instantly flooded inside me as I lunged towards him.

"Joel!" I exclaimed and barreled into him my arms wrapping around his waist, while he wrapped his around my neck. I felt tears burning at the bottoms of my eyes and squeezed them shut, letting them fall onto my cheeks. I couldn't stop crying from all the confusion and finally seeing Joel. He let go of me and brought me out of the house closing the door behind him. Now in the light of the street lamps, I could see him clearly. He looked so young, all his wrinkles and grey hair from stress and seasons were gone, and I was presented with a youthful Joel. I stood in shock staring at him.

"I-I don't understand what's going on" I said and he put his hands on my shoulders steading me.

"Look, there is something strange going on. I don't know how and I don't know why, but somehow we are back in my home town a year before the outbreak. At least that what the newspaper on my porch can tell me" he said and took a deep breath as I processed everything he was saying. This couldn't be true. Then what could explain what's going on? I took a shaky breath and shook my head.

"I just remember falling into the river, Joel I was dying, and then somehow I wake up here- No clue what's going on, and some little blonde girl keeps calling me her sister, and I find a family portrait with you and _me_ and a girl in it, and now I'm here and I-I..." I was lost for words. I couldn't take it all in before I would start to feel sick again. He nodded his head and kept his eyes on my watery ones.

"It's okay, it's okay" he soothed me and let go of one of my shoulders. "Just calm down. It seems as if were in my house in Austin, Texas around September, 2012. I don't know how we got here, but let's just play it cool for now." He looked up from me and to his house and then suddenly his eyes shot back down on mine.

"Wait a second" he said quietly, "did you say there was a-a girl with you" he asked and pulled his eyebrows together, his face getting hard and serious.

"Y-yeah, she, um had short blonde hair and she knew my name, and I think she called you dad..." and then it hit me. _Oh my god._ It was Joel's dead daughter. _Sarah._ I used my hand to cover my gawking mouth and he started to pant heavenly staring at me intently. He drew his hands (which were shaking madly), up to my shoulders again.

"Okay, it seems as if somehow, you, are now my daughter." I opened my mouth to say something in disbelief but he shushed me up. "For now, I need you to pretend to be my daughter around S-Sarah... okay? No one else seems to be in the same situation as we are, so until I figure something out, I now go by the name as dad" he said and never left his eyes from mine. I drew in a heavy breath and nodded my head slowly, anxiety running through my veins.

He opened the door and walked in slowly, until I heard him running up the stairs. I walked in and closed the door behind me looking at, what now, is my new home and my new life.


	2. Sarah

**Thank you everyone for the favs/follows** **it means a lot. Sorry this chapter is so short, however, they will get longer later on _I promise_. Anyways, enjoy reading me trying to channel my inner 40 year old dad in this chapter and I will see you in the next :)**

 **Chapter 2: Sarah**

* * *

(Joel)

This couldn't be true. It felt as though my heart could burst right through my chest. I barely paid any attention to my old house. Everything looked the same as it had when the outbreak hit. My guitar was laying at the entrance, untouched to the memories of me returning and smashing it to pieces over our carpet. I shook my head and continued up the stairs, gripping the hand railing, ignoring the hanging pictures on the wall. _I can't see her through a photo, I need to know she's real._

I went to her room pushing the door open with a swing. Her smell filled my senses, which brought tears to the pricks of my eyes. Her room was the same, with crappy bands and music filled to the rim of her dressers and shelves, posters and pictures crowding her pale pink walls. I walked to her bed, my breath coming out raspy with anxiety and adrenaline. I pulled the covers down slowly and slightly, prepared to see her small blonde head peeking out, but there was nothing. Just an imprint of where she slept.

 _No! No no no no no!_ I kneeled down and grabbed her sheets in my hand _. She's not here! Where is she?_

"Dad?" I heard a little voice say quietly behind me. I let the sheets loose and a tear slipped from my eye. I turned my head around and saw her little body standing in the doorway, a silhouette in the dim light. She yawned and stretched her arms out. I got up shakily and ran to her, picking up her fragile body in my arms, hugging her tightly, swearing to myself I'd never let go. I buried my nose in to her neck, smelling and kissing her sweet skin there, trying not to cry which I know would freak her out. I wrapped my arms around her waist and spun her around once, filled with joy.

"Are you alright?" She asked in to my hair, her small arms wrapped around my neck. It was so weird hearing her voice next to me, I could have passed out then and there. I let go of her, cursing myself for freaking her out, and put her on the ground, her blue eyes staring into mine. _Godamnit_.

"Yeah, just a long day at work. Th-that's all" I stuttered and stroke her face to make sure she was real. Her skin and hair was as soft as I remembered, which was not much. I had pushed her out of my mind to keep me sane and just being here, with her, brought back a flood of hushed recollection, memories that never truly left me. She smiled slightly at me, causing me to catch my breath in my throat. I struggled to keep my emotions in check looking at her, at her meek smile, a smile I thought I would never see again.

She turned around on her heal and headed out of her room speaking over her shoulder.

"Ellie's acting really strange. When I asked to sleep with her because of my nightmares, she just ran away from me. Can I sleep with you? Just for tonight, I promise" Sarah said and looked back at me rubbing her eyes. My heart ached for the little girl, and how I used to make her sleep alone when she turned 10, to help her with her nightmares. It worked...for a while.

"Of course, honey" I said and held her by her back as we walked to my room. She walked in and jumped on the bed, snuggling into the messy white and green sheets. I sat on the edge of the bed and took of my shoes placing them by the bed side table. The bedside lamp was hot with light and the room faded to black as I switched it off.

I laid down in the bed and pulled the covers over me and Sarah. She snuggled next to my side and used my arm as a pillow. I gazed down at her, the light from the streetlights outside shown through, casting a glow against her pale skin. My hand lightly stroked the blonde locks from her face, and I never let me eyes go away from her, even when I heard Ellie cursing at banging into random things. I didn't sleep much that night, mostly because I didn't want to fall asleep afraid I might not wake up with her in my arms. My eyes started to get heavy around 5:00 a.m. and I fell into a deep sleep with the soothing sound of my dead daughter lightly breathing beside me.

* * *

(Ellie)

"Fucking shit!" I cussed quietly as I, yet once again, banged my foot into the white wooden desk.

I almost missed it, but it laid there in plain sight on the surface of the desk. It was a folder. Brown thick paper, holding a small amount of white papers with colorful tabs popping out of the sides. The cover had my name and picture on it, with small writing at the bottom of the page. I picked it up and scanned my eyes over it. It had the basics, my name; Ellie Miller (huh, so that's his last name), 14- lives in Austin Texas- goes to Westlake high school- daughter of Joel Miller and Kristy Miller- Green eyes- Auburn hair. That was it. The rest of the folder was jammed with lines and lines black writing as I skimmed through it.

It was a lot to take in. Being someone completely different, and having this whole life that has been already lived without me even knowing it. I put the folder down and rubbed my temples. I just needed to sleep it off, tomorrow it will be easier to comprehend after the shock wears off and I can think more clearly.

I paced around the room finding out more stuff about myself. My favorite colors were blue and black, I loved to read - especially comic books - (at least that hasn't changed), I liked indie music and I had the physical capability of a peanut. I picked up what looked like an old scrapbook and started shuffling through the pages. I missed my entire life, with Joel and Sarah. We were a family. Pictures of me as a baby, then a toddler, a kid, and finally entering my teenage years. I had thousands of band, books, and TV. Show t-shirts that I took millions of pictures in with different girls and boys. I didn't remember any of this. I didn't know any of these people. I ran through the pages, barely even looking at the pictures I once took when one caught my eye, almost making me shit out my stomach and puke out my lungs.

She was there, right next to me. We were both wearing savage starlight t-shirts, giving a devious smile to the camera, with our arms wrapped around each other. It was her. It was Riley. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't be true. _What the fuck is going on?_ I threw the scrapbook back onto the shelve it had come from and scrambled on to the bed. I wrapped the sheets tightly around my body until I was a snug cocoon and cried. I was so confused. I almost died and now I'm here. I had no idea what to think or what to do. So I just cried and let my frustration fall on to the bed making it wet with an overflow of tears. I soon died down to small huffs and puffs that sounded like hiccups. My face was tight and wet from all the crying and my hands were tired from griping the sheets too tightly. Soon I was engulfed in a deep sleep waiting and dreading for the morning to come. Maybe this was just a dream and all I needed to do was wake up.


	3. A New Dawn

**Welcome back! I hope you all had a great Christmas and new year. Thanks for hanging around for this chapter. I have finals right now so I don't really have time to work on this fic a lot, but hopefully that will change. For any of you wondering how this story will work out since its such a crazy concept, trust me I understand, but it will all make sense in the end. Thanks again! Enjoy!**

* * *

(Ellie)

 **THUMP**

A big thud woke me from my sleep with a jolt. My eyes flew open and adjusted to the sullen light streaming through a far window.

 _Fuck. It wasn't a dream._

 _Should I be relieved?_

A light body bounced on my bed making my groan in annoyance and roll over. Two little warm hands fell on my arm and shook me.

"Ugh" I whined, a sharp pain becoming evident in the middle of my head. All the crying I had done last night rewarded me with a keen headache. I deeply inhaled the smell of the fresh linen I lay in, the soft feel of the clean covers wrapped around me were a welcomed touch. My eyes were sticky and sore, fixed on a small painting wrapped in a blue picture frame. A deer in the woods, white swirls of snow falling around it. It was safe there. Trapped in a world made perfect just for him.

 _What world was I in?_

I was shook again and immediately bolted up, wide and shocked blue eyes stared back into mine. Sarah sat there. Her jean wrapped legs crossed and her hands placed on my upper arm, lightly squeezing to wake me up. I looked at her hands oddly then back up at her face. She instinctively dropped them and turned her head away from me, an uneasy look crossing her face.

"Um... the showers free for you to use..." she hushed akwardly, and moved away. I was freaking her out again. I just had to remember what Joel told me, to pretend, act like everything was just _peachy._

"Good" I said confidently and hopped of the bed. I shuffled around the room for a bit until I found a big blue dresser, small Polaroid pictures surrounding a dirty mirror. I looked shyly at my reflection, afraid of what might have changed. My hair was the exact same, flat bangs and undeniably dry. I still had my prominent eyebrow scar, which Riley always called badass although getting it wasn't the most hard-core thing I've done, but she didn't have to know that. I moved to a closet across the room and pushed the white double doors open. I scanned the abundance of clothes, most of the shirts were dark and dull colors, with weird writings on them, but the other half was actually decent clothing, fancy shirts I had never seen clean and still intact back in the malls I used explore and search through. I quickly pulled a random long sleeved light blue shirt and jeans.

"Are you excited for tomorrow El's?" Sarah said quietly behind me. I turned around to face her, she was still sitting on the bed fidgeting with her hands.

"Hmm?" I said and grabbed a pink fluffy rode that was hanging behind the closet door.

"Oh cmon, don't tell me you forgot already," she whines silently. "You promised you would take me to the mall for the back to school sale." Her feet hang off the bed, swaying lightly with her agitated head. "I can get two of those vinyl tracks you like for the price of one," she adds.

I speak as normally as I can. _A mall_. "Sorry. Must have slipped passed me." I walk pass the bed and the little blonde girl atop it, hoping to escape this situation as smooth as possible.

I spotted the bathroom I had ran into last night and steered towards it. Sarah followed behind me, heading into her room and shutting the door. Sounds of a sweet strung song soon drifted out through the door.

I walked into the bathroom and took off my clothes I had slept with, checking for any piercings and tattoos, something I knew was vaguely popular for girls this day and age. My body looked completely the same. I traced the pink scar of a cut on my collar bone, a wound I had gotten when I fell off a scared horse in Jackson.

 _I had gotten this only just over a week ago. When everything was normal._

My gaze fell down my body to my inner right arm.

 _My scar! Damn thing is still here. Does this mean I'm still immune though?_

I covered it with my hand shyly, tracing the grooves of the pigmented and uneven skin. Turning away from my reflection, I faced the beige curtains, drawing them away.

I lightly stepped into the shower and turned the taps to the left, instantly filled with hot pleasure. Back in the quarantine zones, we only got to take a shower once a week and it was heaven if the water wasn't ice cold to the point that it made your lips purple. Riley and I used to make a game of who could come out the fastest, the orphanage always making us go last with the coldest batch of water.

 _"_ _Just finished shampooing! Time use this sweet lemon body soap!"_

 _"_ _You can go faster than that, girl!"_

The warm water engulfed my senses and I hummed while my scalp was soaked. I grabbed a blue bottle laying on the side of the tube and turned it in my hands.

"Hello Hydration. A moisturizing shampoo for dry or damaged hair with coconut essences," I read to myself in the mist of the water. "Sounds fancy."

I lathered it into my hair, my fingers massaging the suds through my lank locks, pleasure and satisfaction filled my mind as I got used to the feeling of been completely clean. I put some bubble soap onto a luffa and scrubbed myself from head to toe, with the amazing smell of strawberries filling my nose. I stood in the shower for another good 15 minutes soaking up the warm water, and breathing in the steam.

I finally finished my shower, content and soaking wet. After drying up with a hanging towel, I put on my new clothes, and brushed my hair with a brush I found in one of the bathroom drawers. Also, I found a toothbrush still encased in a package and decided I would use this one, since I had no idea which toothbrush was mine, and I wasn't really ready to share with dearest _dad_ and _sis_. I grabbed some tooth paste and brushed my teeth, wincing at the stinging pain the paste gave my mouth. I had only used baking soda and water before this. Tooth paste was somewhat of a myth. Not anymore.

I walked out of the bathroom with my pile of clothes and into my room, shutting my door tightly behind me. I fell on the bed and started patting my hair with the towel, my eyes closing slightly. A buzzing noise came from the desk making me jump out of my skin. I walked over to my cluttered desk and saw a little white electronic thing laying there with a screen of girls holding guitars in the background and a message in the front. _Oh I know what this is!_ It was a cellphone. I had come across thousands off them from time to time, but none of them ever worked.

I looked at the screen and saw multiple bubbles of texts from various people.

 _Shit. I'm kind of popular._

Marissa? Matt? Rachel? Ri-baby?

 _Wait. Ri-baby?_

 _Holy Shit that's Riley!_

I put the phone face down on the desk, not even daring to read her message. I flopped back down on the bed, wrapping myself in my arms.

 _So she is alive. That's good right? Will I see her again? I mean we must be friends if she texts me, right? That's how it works?_

 _God, what if she's not the same. What if we don't get along now? What if I'm not the same?_

* * *

I hopped down the steps that leads to the living room of the house. It looks so much different in daylight. Joel was sitting on a stool pretending to read the newspaper while intently watching Sarah play video games on obnoxiously large T.V. screen. Joel's attention turned to me when I walked in and put the newspaper down, folding it up with careful hands. He cleared his throat and I sat down next to him on a stool, picking up what I hope is a fresh fruit from the bowl on the table.

"How was your sleep?" I heard him ask shakily. Joel was never one to ask petty questions such as that. I sighed and rolled the fruit around in my hands inspecting it.

"Super. Is this an orange?" I asked and looked at him holding the fruit up. Little sounds of laser blasts and people screaming came from the TV, followed by Sarah saying little 'oh shoots'.

"It's a grapefruit" he said matter-of-factly.

"A grapefruit? Wha-"

"Yes Ellie, a grapefruit" He said cutting me off. I caught on and nodded my head.

I dug my fingernails in to the rough rime of the skin, peeling back the orange casing to reveal a lush pink interior.

 _What? So cool._

Joel scratched his light beard and stared at me. It was so weird to see him so young. Light blue eyes no longer surrounded by hash wrinkles. Rough and chapped lips no longer hid by a salt and pepper beard.

I stared back at him, taking a piece of the Grapefruit and popping it into my mouth.

"Ew!" I spit the chewed up fruit into my hand. My face scrunched up at the bitter and sour taste still left in my mouth. "Oh God, this is disgusting!"

Joel chuckled and pointed to a green bin where I threw the Grapefruit out with an enthusiastic toss. "Yeah, well it ain't the sweetest tasting thing we got in this house."

"Ugh. Why do you keep such nasty foods like this here? I mean I get times are tough but c'mon, you can't be that desperate." I sipped some water from the dish filled sink and walked back over to the kitchen island.

"As I recall Sarah used to love them," he says in a hushed tone. We both looked across to the over exaggerate girl on the leather couch, clearly immersed in her game.

"HA!" Sarah screeched from in front of the TV. She spun around to look at me with a big grin on her face. "I just got the new high score! Beat that!" She exclaimed and bounced up and down.

"Pssh, I bet I can" I snickered back at her and she rolled her eyes in response.

"Yeah, yeah that's what you always say." She said exasperated and turned back to the screen, placing the controller on the coffee table. I honestly would have gone and gladly played with her but I was more comfortable around Joel right now, and we needed to have a serious talk. Like badly.

"Phew. That's enough gaming for one morning." Sarah shifted from the couch and turned off the TV. She strode past us and up the stairwell to the second floor. "I'm gonna go get ready for soccer practice. Be ready in 20, okay Dad?"

He looks down and grins, unspoken thoughts running through his head. I chew on my fingernails in response. Getting ready means they are leaving, which means I'll be here alone. Will he allow that?

I start fiddling with a fly swatter and waited for Sarah to enter her room, the sound of the door clicking shut being my queue. Now would be a safe time to discuss what the hell is going on.

"You might want to keep that handy." Joel shifts in his seat. Eyes soft and a finger pointed at the object in my hand. "Summer's down hear get mighty hot. Usually stays up in the 100's for the most time. Mosquitoes and bugs are a pest in here."

"You seem to remember a lot about this kind of stuff," I say silently, placing the fly swatter back on its hanging spot on the wall. Turning to look at him expectantly, waiting for answers.

"I grew up here. Thirty years I lived in Texas. You don't forget much, no matter how much you try." Joel drags a hand across his face and leans forward, his eyes down casted.

"Twenty years, Joel," I say in a hushed voice. Careful to keep this conversation between us, hopefully no eavesdropper ears around. "Twenty years of your life just gone in an instant. What do you make of that?"

His eyes lift up to reach mine. Cold and lost. "I don't know what to make of it, Ellie."

I frown. "Look at you though. You look like you haven't aged a day past Twenty-Five, and me? I'm completely the same. I mean look at this!" I roll up my sleeve, revealing my bite scar to him. He grimaces at the sight and looks away.

"Jesus, Ellie, I don't know." He sighs. Getting up he walks to the back counter and grips onto the edge, his shoulders facing me, tension evident through his bunched up muscles.

"Why Joel? Why did you change and not me? Why did this happen? Why are we _here_?"

"I don't know!" He whispers exasperated. He turns around on his heel and walks past me, picking up keys from a door side table. I look at him as he glides past me, not daring to look, my head falling into my hands.

"I'm going to get the car ready for Sarah. I'd be best if you stay in, for safety, we have a nice backyard if you need some air." With that he left, the front door shutting behind him with an audible slam.

 _Already setting rules and boundaries for me, huh?_

Well then. No better time to start my next project. Riley.

* * *

(Joel)

I watched her slurp the ice cream milkshake down like there was no tomorrow. That was a bad metaphor. She finished the strawberry and vanilla blend in a matter of minutes while we drive down the side roads of Austin. Travis County hasn't changed one bit since the last time I saw it.

 _Wonder what it looked like when Tommy came back here. Shit Tommy. Where the hell was he in all this? He was the one that sent us on that god damn scavenging trip when Ellie fell in the river._

"Damn. Haven't had one of these since... last winter I think?" Sarah said finishing the last of it, scrapping the contents from the side of the cup and popping the straw in her mouth.

"How on earth do you remember that kind of stuff?" I asked her with a chuckle. She shrugged and threw the foam cup in to our make-shift garbage bag in the backseat.

"Trust me. When you taste something this good, you never forget."

"Mmm-hmm."

"I wish the trees changed down here." Sarah was looking out the window, her chin resting on her palm. "I've never seen anything more beautiful than when we took that trip up to North Dakota in the fall. I wish I hadn't lost my camera. It has all my pictures of us from there."

 _It's even more beautiful when the industrial world isn't polluting the reserve conservation all the time._

"You had fun on that trip?"

"Duh!" she exclaims whole-heatedly. "Man I would die if I could just hike one more time through the Fort Ransom Park. I was so sweaty coming back, I didn't even complain when you and Ellie pushed me in to the freezing lake." _It was only me. I just pushed you in. At least that's how I remember it. Where else had Ellie fallen into our lives?_

She chuckled and scratched her nose. I watched her pale skin glow in the sun. Her skin was a contrast, I noticed, to Ellie's mound of freckles I was always used to looking at when summer rolled around.

We cruised through the back roads of East Austin. A familiar route back home quickly worming its way back into my mind, despite the lack of years I had spent driving here.

Sarah sighed and put her feet up on the dashboard, a rule which was always disobeyed. She wiggled her toes in her socks and massaged her feet, the worn and dirty clits laying on the floor of the car.

"Laura wants to have a sleepover this weekend," she mumbles, her eyes and hands focused on her sore feet. "Her mom is going to be there the whole time and I said I would go if that's okay with you."

"Laura?" I ask disoriented. It wasn't easy trying to focus on driving through streets you haven't driven in 20 years and have your daughter make plans next to you who was only gone from your life completely just yesterday.

"Laura Reynolds?" She replied in a high pitched tone. "You know. Plays center forward, always wears loads of pink eye shadow, and to top it off, she was the one who was flirting with you today. Yet again" she scoffed and leaned back into the seat, staring out the window again.

"Well if you want to go and it seems safe, I don't see no reason why not to," I replied, the beat of my heart racing as I saw her eyes lit up.

"Really Dad!" she squeaked and leaned over to give me a one armed hug. "You're the best, I swear!" she drawled sweetly in my ear and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. _Don't go._

We drove the rest of the way in silence, my mind still caught up in the moment of her arms around me and her voice in my ear. It took me a second to realize we had made it back when I turned left onto a well-known road, our road.

I turned onto our street and drove smoothly into the driveway. Sarah picked up her things from beneath her and ran into the house, clearly excited about something. Normally I wouldn't care, but now I wanted to know everything she was up to. I locked the front door behind us, Sarah taking a red apple from the ceramic fruit bowl and biting into it like it was her first meal in ages.

"Ellie!" she called out sweetly. She peered into my office and frowned, putting her shoes by the front door mat, she headed upstairs. I forgot to talk to Sarah about Ellie, about what their relationship was like. I was so caught up in having her back that I didn't really care. It seems like they were close, but Ellie being Ellie, she was going to need some time to be comfortable with her. Considering the situation, I don't know how long that would be.

"Dad?" Sarah's voice spoke from the top of the stairs.

"Yes, honey?" I said, taking off my boots and tossing the keys away.

"Where's Ellie?" She questioned, a serious look on her face, her mouth moving quickly, still chewing the ripe apple. "She's not upstairs and she's not in the backyard from what I can tell. Did she say she was going out?"

"No…"

 _Dammit_ _Ellie._


	4. A Familiar Void

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry about the wait for this update and I hope none of you left! I promise the next update will be sooner if my school and work cooperates, but my schedule is crazy right now so bear with me. For any of you who don't know much about Ellie's past then this chapter might be a bit confusing or a little insignificant for you. See you in the next chapter and don't forget to review!**

* * *

"Ah." Ellie winced, pain lacing through her right calf, an incise wound carefully encased in white cloth. "Why'd you wrap these bandages so tight?"

"Sorry, girl." Riley soothed, a comforting smile resting on soft cheeks. "We got to keep those antibiotics nice and tucked in there. That was a rusty old wire you sliced yourself on, don't want no unnecessary infections sprouting up in here. Now pick up a card already."

Ellie leaned down, keeping her hand of seven cards safe to her chest and plucked another one up from the wooden crate laying in the middle of the room. The sound of rain splashing against a nearby window filled the room, a comforting sound amidst the chatter of two teenage girls.

It had been raining all day. The earth had been muddy and slippery against their boots as they ran through the track course this morning, making them slip and fall continuously, dirt smearing against their faces as they skidded through the ground. The weather started to clear up around sun-down. Ellie had taken her tray of dinner food to the cafeteria, hoping to find a certain seat next to a certain girl when she noticed what once was a storm turning to a mere drizzle. She always loved the smell outside after there was showers. The cool rain would hit the hot dry tar of the ground and lift up smells that had been baked in all week under the hot July sun. Ellie lightly sniffed the familiar smell that had drifted through the partially opened window and paid attention again to the game she was so clearly going to win.

She frowned at the card now gripped in her hand. An Ace of clubs. Well this won't help me at all, she thought. She sighed and placed the frayed card upside on the wrought out surface, a small crease of impatience forming on her forehead. She only needed one card to win the hand, it was all a chance of luck now, which she hated, and Riley loved.

"You feel any better after those painkillers?" Riley questioned, taking the Ace Ellie had left and put it in her own deck, returning an eight of hearts. Ellie hide her smirk when she saw the card appear.

"Well," she said, picking up another winning streak, a cocky smile forming, much to Riley's dismay, "I am now."

Ellie laughed and slammed her hand flush on the crate, her winning cards facing the ceiling, glimmering in the sullen evening night. Riley scoffed and threw her cards down in frustration.

"Bullshit!"

"That's two wins in a row now. Four of a kind and a flush. You suck at this game, you know?" Ellie grins and leans back in her seat, her injured leg propped up on the side of the lower bunk bed. She tugs at the side of her sweater, her fingers toying with a dangling string. Nuzzling into the warmth of the soft clothing around her, Ellie smiles, snug in her friend's attire.

"Whatever man." Riley takes a swig of water from the canteen bottle beside her. Ellie watches shyly as a drop of clear liquid slips out, falling and slipping down her chin, dropping onto her chest, trailing the smooth skin found at the crest of her satin cleavage, just before-

"Can't believe Winston is still camped out in that mall." Riley wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, sealing the cap of the hard tin can with the other. She stands swiftly, moving towards Ellie and flopping noisily on the clothed-covered bed, her hand coming to rest on Ellie's wrapped leg. "I would've thought bye now the military would have scouted him out, Fedra's been trying to recruit him down in the West End for ages now."

Ellie shifts in her seat. Her eyes on the floor they left scattered with books. Her mind focused on the hand so close to her skin, kept out of touch by thin gauze. She shrugs. "Winston's smart. He takes princess out during the day, walks through the back terrain, away from the military hubs and checkpoints. He's practically a dinosaur, they should leave his old ass alone."

"Let's hope his luck doesn't run out," Riley says. Her head turns to look at the auburn headed girl slouched in the pull out chair. She wonders if she'll ever see her after initiation. It's almost her birthday. Almost time to decide whether to be a corrupt soldier or a depraved civilian, neither of which seems like a suitable option. She traces her fingers over her amateur bandaging. She would have taken Ellie to the school's nurse, but they would have for sure known Ellie and I had been out. The Boston Military is good at keeping the school's up to date with proper maintenance. There's no possible way Ellie could have gotten a cut this bad and infected if she hadn't been out.

"I wonder if we would've been friends if there was no outbreak." The odd comment makes Riley's eyebrows perk up in surprise.

"Well that was random," she smirks. Riley looks up at Ellie, at the serious face that had replaced her calm and soft one.

"Sorry," Ellie asserted, her gaze on her fumbling hands. "I just was thinking… what it would be like if the outbreak didn't happen. Would I have still met you?"

Riley simpers at her discomfort in the question. Ellie was always one to let her thoughts flow through the air with no shame. They would sneak in to their conversations, making Riley laugh, a common maneuver to avoid having to actually think about reality.

"I probably would have been a jock," Riley quipped. She twiddled with the loose ends of the cotton, careful to stay clear of her wounded area. "Yeah, I would've probably had some badass muscles. Maybe some dreads, chicks on each arm, possibly a motorcycle…"

"I'm serious Riley!" Ellie whines, her eyes rolling dramatically. She crosses her arms sheepishly, the sweater sticking to her slick skin in the heat of the summer night.

Riley snickers at her vital need for affirmation. "Man, I don't know Ellie," she sighs, her arms tucking under her head, eyes staring at the plaster of the top bunk. "I mean, who knows if we would have even lived in the same state, America is fucking big. We could've been anyone, could've gone anywhere…."

"I'd like to imagine that I'd know you…" Ellie drifts in silence, her thoughts overtaking the need to speak. The silence that fills the air brings Riley's eyes to her face, watching her down casted gaze.

"Listen Ellie," Riley sighs, "who cares what could have been. We have each other now. That's all that matters, yeah?"

Ellie smiles shyly, her hands intertwining in her lap. Riley smiles, propped up on her arm, and pokes Ellie playfully, a tap on her thigh.

"Yeah." Ellie stares at Riley for just a moment. Taking in her soft skin shinning in the moonlight's glow. Her hair a messy bun, sitting sideways on top of her head, a nightmare to untangle the next day. Her teeth shine in the darkness, a smile wide and comforting, making Ellie remember why she couldn't think of her as just a friend.

A smiling face she would never forget. Never replace.

Her beaming grin. Just as beautiful and lucid, store back at her.

Like no time had passed.

This was Riley. Standing next to her in the photo she gingerly held. This was crazy.

I still remembered that hot July night. Riley would always sneak out to play cards with me. Most of the time she got her ass kicked in the game, but I didn't care. Neither did she. Anytime we got to spend together was worth it.

 _Man that feels like a lifetime ago._

I placed the picture back in the scrapbook it came from. Years and years of photographs piled into an overwhelming book of secrets. A life I would never know.

I flipped to the next page, ignoring the desire to look at Riley anymore, a feeling to surreal to oppress. I came upon a picture of me, supposedly, as a child. Wrapped in a blanket, a very young Joel held me tight. He smiled, a beardless face beaming in front of a crystal ocean beach. A wave of nausea rolls over me again.

 _Fuck, I need some fresh air._

I lean over my desk, my palms flat on the cool surface. I let my lungs fill with air, taking shaking breaths to calm my upturned stomach.

Looking over at the closet, I spot a light grey sweater, hanging on a hook of the door. Taking a deep breath a walk over, threw it on and headed down the stairs. Adrenaline pushes me through the door and out into the sun.

 _Screw Joel. He doesn't care enough to stay than he won't care if I leave._

I close the door behind me and blink through the setting sun. A world I'd never thought I'd see, now right in my midst.

* * *

Across the street a car passes by. Grey and sleek it slowly glides past, lovingly silken the tires grace the smooth and un-dried out pavement. The driver wears a black cap, nodding its head to an unheard song to the girl's ears. Looking to the side, he spots the girl. Confused at her unmoving glance he stares. Ellie stares back.

The first car she sees is a Honda. As it turns the corner to the next street she takes a breath.

 _The first car of many, Ellie._

She digs her toe of her shoe into the soft dirt of the ground. Once she passes the road she's officially of Joel's property. Away from the only home she has here.

The sun is warm on her cheeks as she crosses the cement path and to the grassy edge of the other side road. She walks past the perfectly standing signs, mowed lawns, and the sound of dogs barking in enclosed fences of well-kept homes, a sound unfamiliar to her. A rural part of Austin surrounds her, letting her embrace her new environment without the overwhelming feel of the live city.

She wraps her sweater tightly around her shoulders as a breeze slips past. Block after block she grows farther and farther away from what she knows here, farther from the only man she can trust.

She rounds the corner of an unknown streets, coming to face with a red bike propped on a slightly bent stop sign. She places her hand on the cool black handle, an immense feeling of sadness taking over her.

Yesterday she would've given anything to ride a bike. Today the idea just seems wrong and makes her sick, like even if she tried it wouldn't really be _her_ doing it.

"Are you okay?"

A voice startles the girl out of her bike dream haze.

Ellie turns to see a young woman, early twenties maybe, staring back at her. She clutches a large bag to her side, slung over her shoulder her hand wraps around the leather of the handle, a light shines in Ellie's eyes from her bright engagement ring. Her eyes are a soft green as she smiles softly at Ellie, her dark auburn hair framing her tender diamond face.

"W-What?" Ellie stutters, taken back from the sudden intrusion of the fair women. She has trouble facing those piercing eyes, worried suddenly that she might know her secret.

"Did you forget the code to your lock?" The girl asks, pointing to the sleek red bicycle, her eyesight still locked on the startled young girl.

Ellie looks down at the shiny objects she holds tightly, and shyly shoves her hand back into her sweater pocket, like the bike at burned her. She hadn't noticed the black wire lock wrapped around the wheel and post of the sign.

"Um, no. I-It's not mine." Ellie stammered, her eyes downcast on the ground. "The bike's not mine."

The woman grins, her head cocking to the side, assessing the young girl with gentle eyes. "You're not from here, are you?"

 _Shit. Is it really that obvious?_

She notices the Ellie's uncomfortable stance and changes tactics. A small frown tugs at her lips, "you don't have a Texas accent, is what I mean."

Ellie eases a little. Maybe everyone here isn't out to get her. Maybe not in the way she thinks.

"Well neither do you," Ellie perks, her assertiveness slowly coming back to her, the roots of her character coming to play in the grounds of this world. Her courage slowly coming back.

The lady laughs, swings the bag to her other shoulder and tightens her grip. "True enough." Her eyes shimmer in the afternoon sun, an emerald green sheen for a second reminding Ellie of her own. "I'm a nurse intern at St. David's hospital. Originally from Boston."

 _Me too_ , she almost says. A place that is unknown to this Ellie, a place that she only really knows. She studies the woman in front of her now. A nurse. Dressed in blue scrubs, a thermal top covering her thin arms, freckles lining her high cheekbones. She feels strangely at ease with her.

 _Is everyone this friendly?_

"That's cool," Ellie quips, fisting her hands in the pockets of her sweater, unsure of how to carry conversations with these kinds of people.

"You know, I might be biased, but our hospital has great programs for kids in your situation," she says, her hands focused on digging something up from her cluttered bag.

 _My situation?_

She straightens up and leans out her hand, a white small card pointed towards Ellie. "Here's my card. I know it may seem stupid and it's really just the hospitals number on there but, call if you need anything."

Ellie gingerly takes it from her, pocketing it in her grey sweater. Her thumb traces the smooth lining of the white card as she stares at the ground, wishing she knew what to say.

The girl shakes her head lightly and sighs, "You need anything else? Can I leave assuming you're not going to steal that bike?"

"Uh, yeah," Ellie chuckles, looking down at the red two-wheeler, only dreaming of one day learning to ride it. Maybe Joel has a bike. Sarah seems like the kind of kid who has things like bikes, video games, and maybe even a computer. She smiles and tucks her hair around her ear, pulling her hoodie over her head.

"Alright, see you around kid." The young nurse turns on her heel and walks past the grass, onto the edge of the road. Ellie stares as she starts to walk across the street, her white running shoes oddly bright against the dark pavement. She knows she shouldn't trust her so easily.

"Hey wait!" Ellie yells. The brunette turns around, her hand coming up to shield her eyes from the setting sun, glancing at the redhead. "Um, do you know where… uh …," she looks down at her hand, pulling up her sleeve to reveal the pen ink she had inscribed on her arm. "Brightwood Drive. Do you know where Brightwood Drive is?"

The girl smiled," For sure. It's just South of here, past Hill Country Middle School." She turns her head slightly, eyeing the tense thin girl. "I don't think I caught your name."

Ellie crosses her feet, a small smirk makes its way towards her soft ashen face. "Ellie." It's the first time she says her name out loud here and it almost feels foreign, as if she's saying the name of a girl who used to be. Maybe this is the start of something knew. Right here, with someone who could be just as lost or real as she is. Maybe she shouldn't be afraid.

"Nice to meet you Ellie. I'm Anna."


	5. Roadside

**This chapter is really short because I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore? Anyways, I still plan on finishing this story if anyone wants it, but I want to write different stories if anyone would want to read them :) I would love some feedback!**

* * *

(Joel)

He finds her at nine.

A curled body on the side Westlake Drive, a small girl twined in a blanket of limbs. The streetlights cast her shadow onto the pavement of the interstate, nightfall setting in just an hour ago, the darkness an unfair reminder of fear. Her head rest on her crossed arms, eyes cast down on the stone gravel. Legs nestled warmly in her grasp. He wonders how long she's been sitting here like this.

Stopping the car abruptly, he looks sharply down at her through the pane of the window. He almost missed the tucked up figure when driving past. The clothes she wore practically blended in with the dense dusk surrounding her, making her nearly invisible to those who passed.

Anger had fueled him these past few hours. Driving in and out of neighborhoods, intersections, deserted roads, just to find a girl who couldn't listen to a damn thing he ever told her.

 _Stay in the house. Not that hard right? Oh no, Ellie. You just had to run away for whatever god forsaken reason._

Now seeing Ellie curled up by herself, alone one deserted road, his anger faded away. He couldn't imagine the confusion and loneliness she must be feeling right now.

"Ellie," he says, the window rolled down letting the humid Austin air into the truck. She looks up at him as he steps out. Eyes strained and narrow, dark bags hovering underneath them. She looks younger than ever before, like he is finally seeing a kid in her for the first time.

"I'm sorry," she croaks, the back of her hand rubbing away he dryness from her eyes. "I-I was just looking for someone-or something, but this goddamn place is so confusing with its cars and people and the fucking _things_ I saw-"

"It's okay, Ellie," he interjects. He pulls the hood down from her hair, uncovering her strained features glistening in the night. She peers up at him, her eyes wide, white shinning in the dark light.

"I need to tell you something," she croaks out, eyes red and knuckles white, gripping onto her knees.

He looks at her, concern running through him at her stern stare. "Go on. You can tell me."

She sighs, pulling a lock of her away from her face. "Remember how I told you about my friend, Riley," she says, looking up at him.

He nods, recollecting the story she had told him atop of the grassy hill, the last time they had talked about the past before moving forwards.

"Well, she's here. Just like Sarah is, just like all these people are, and I-I just needed to see her," the tremble in her voice is evident, even as she bites her lip hard enough to draw blood, "even if she's different and doesn't remember me the way I was or the way we were, I still just need to see her once."

He scratches the roughness of his beard, his brows furrowing in confusion. "How do you know she's here?" Joel asks.

"I have pictures with her, I mean pictures that I have never fucking taken but _she's there_ , with me." She suddenly whips her head around and starts digging in her back pocket, her hands shaking as she pulls out a silver phone. "And this thing won't stop buzzing and ringing. Her name is in here too. She's everywhere but I couldn't find her."

Joel sighs. A heavy looks dawns on him, realization of what they were about to face starts to come to life. He clears his throat, looking down at the gravel rocks on the road.

"I saw someone I knew today too. Someone I thought I would never see again."

"Who?" Ellie asks.

He wonders if he should say, wonders if breaking this to her might screw her up even more. Hell, they couldn't be in a more messed up situation if they tried. She looks at him with earnest. Maybe hoping it's someone she was close with, or better yet, if it's a total stranger, someone who she won't have to remember after be risen from the dead again.

 _She will find out either way._

"Tess."


	6. Awakening

Hi again! This chapter took me a really long time to write, mostly because I was having writer's block, but also I find it hard to write adults (lol) especially when they are my fave and I don't want to ruin it. This fic is hard for me to write just because its such a crazy idea so it takes me a while to plan each chapter out and that's why my updates are so far apart (sorry!). I know I still have a long way to go with my writing (and if you caught that I switch between third and first between some chapters, I used to like first by now I find third helps me write explicitly) so I'll still be working on this fic even though I'm **so** slow :) Also, for anyone who has watched the new tlou2 trailer, what are your thoughts and opinions on where this game is going lol (personally I thought it was kind of confusing and out of nowhere and really looked like a movie where people were like acting whereas in the first game it felt really real to me idk just my thoughts).

Anyways, remember to review because I definitely do read them and I want to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

* * *

(Joel)

He watches her.

Across the old tavern, the rotting wood sheltering them from the smoldering heat outside, there is a whole mess of them. Young, strong, vibrant women. All lined up to drink or make money, most just shy of death, but she's different.

Her tan skin glistens in the dim light, damp from the evening showers they had received minutes before. Her finger traces along the edge of her glass, hands fragile and lean, leading to toned arms scattered with wounds. She moves a wet lock out of her face, pulling it back into the bun wrapped around the top of her head. Her skin is pale, cheeks hollow and pink. He watches closely as her tongue traces her bottom lip, her teeth biting down on the bruised flesh.

"Joel." A hand falls on his back, taking him out of his trance. It was Tommy. The front of his shirt stuck to his skin, soaking through the fabric. He barely recognizes him. Hair shaved off, purple bruises still covering his face from the beating he had taken from Ryan.

"Find anythin' yet?" Joel asks him, wiping the sweat from his brow, the room suddenly consumed in heat.

"No luck," Tommy sighs, taking a stool from the floor and bringing next to his brother. He pulls a dark blue handkerchief out of his back pocket, bringing it to wipe the rain away from his face. "You?"

Joel looks back to the woman at the bar. She looks strong, enough to endure training and fighting, yet she also looks fragile, as if the deepest parts of her still receive pain.

"How 'bout her?" Joel says, nodding his head towards where she sits. Tommy leans back and inspects the woman, oblivious to her, frowning as he rubs his chin back and forth with his thumb. She sits hunched over the bar, her spine prodding through her shirt, frail skin stretched over her bones. They can tell she's hungry. Probably has been for a couple months.

"She looks pretty good," Tommy mutters, rubbing his eyes with his fist. Joel takes one last sip of his brandy, a fine delicacy he had paid for with stolen ammo from his camp. The piles and piles of weapons, ammo, clothing, and food they got didn't make him feel a microscopic twinge of guilt.

"I been meanin' to tell you," Tommy began, sliding a brown paper package across the table. "Your rewards for the coup you brought in the other day." Joel can hear the sneer in his voice, the disgust he has for him that's been building over many years.

Joel takes it without even looking, shoving it into the pocket of his jeans, his attention focused again on her. As she takes another sip of her drink, the man next to her grabs his coat and walks away, leaving two empty chairs on either side of her. Tommy and Joel look at one another, a silent signal passing through them.

They move towards her, each taking a seat next to her stool. She radiates warmth, a small smell of sweat and soft apples fills his nostrils as he scoots his seat near to the counter. The man behind the table pours a glass of bourbon and hands it to an old lady selling used clothes on the right. Joel ignores him, that isn't why he's here.

She watches the beardly man next to her fold his arms, his tan skin glistening with the light of muted colors.

"You need a towel," she giggles at Tommy, ringing her hair behind her head. He moves closer, starting small talk with the slim girl, his eyes drifting over her shoulders.

"Whole place was flooded when I came," Tommy said leaning in, taking in the depth of brown her eyes presented. "Could barely get in this damn place." She smiles and takes a sip from the glass cup she gingerly held, bourbon leaving hot trails down her throat.

"I figured no one would come here tonight," she sighs, "by the look of the weather, I thought I might actually be left alone."

She hides her smirk in-between two rosy cheeks, a sneer of sorts. Tommy lowers his gaze, trailing his finger along the splinting wood edge. "I ain't here to bother you," he says, shifting in his seat a little, "maybe to persuade you, but that's not my job." Tommy smiles, his eyes warm with honesty.

"Is that why you brought muscle over there here with you?" She asks, a hint of ridicule in her voice, lips pursing around the rim of her glass.

"Just his brother," Joel says, his deep voice catching her attention. She turns to look at him, taking in his rough features, the grit of his survival. The world she lives in now builds men so tough and unsparing sometimes she can't handle the rare beauty they present.

Her lips pull up in a tight twist, "Well, I guess I should consider myself lucky. You don't always find yourself between two southern men, not to mention brothers."

Her head cocks to the side a bit, eyeing the gleam of brandy streaks along the walls of glass. "My cup is empty," her voice drops low, eyes narrowing slightly, "what is it you want."

Tommy leans back in his chair, looking at Joel curiously, wondering which one of them was going to sweeten up the deal. Joel shifts his gaze outside then advert back to his brother, a clear signal.

"The outhouse shouldn't be too far from here right?" Tommy pushes off his chair, shuffling out through the back doors into the damp air of a New Jersey night, leaving a trail of silence behind him.

"Sometimes I wonder if men like you will ever stop trying," she huffs, tensing her arms underneath her abdomen, biting down hard on her lip. "I'm not what you're looking for. No job I can do will satisfy you."

Joel chuckles a little. "That's not what I'm here for."

"I don't think you'll satisfy me either," she scoffs.

"Right now, I don't doubt that."

"Then what do you want?" She says sternly, turning to look at him with strained eyes, her brown irises melting in with the night.

"Your time."

"My time?" She giggles sharply, the cool wind from the windows seeping through her locks. "Don't get that often. Though I'll usually settle for a round or two if your brother is still around-"

"He's not," Joel cuts in, tightening his fists together, nails digging in to his palm. "He's too weak for that right now, in fact our whole crew is."

Her looks softens. He can tell she doesn't necessarily care, but knows what he is about to say next might catch her attention. Her pride doesn't admit she's been scavenging for weeks now, though boroughs and slums, slowly starving herself dry, refusing any handouts.

"We're settled in Fort Lee right now, a couple miles away from several groups who've formed a sort of a renowned slaughter gang, we call them hunters." Joel scratches his beard, taking in the features of the woman next to him, seeing his words process through her eyes. "They haven't exactly touched us yet, but they're close, they'll kill everyone in this goddamn state if they could. They'd kill you too."

"Don't worry about me," she says, she's never been one to let other people look out for her.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Joel rasps, taking a sip of the molten whiskey the bartender had gingerly left in front of him. An old friend he made last summer. One who would let whatever happened in front of him go in one ear and slip out the other.

"Let's say I join," the brunette coaxed, "what would the ratio be?"

"If all goes well, and none of us gets gutted," murmured Joel, "you'd be given 10%. And from what I've seen, it'll set you and whoever else you're with up for a long time coming, enough to help you get out of this shit hole."

"I travel alone." Her tone is cold, quipped with preconceived notions.

"More power to ya."

She takes a deep breath, her chest rising slowly, the dampness of her skin glistening. "You can tell your brother to come back in and we can negotiate the details."

She eyes him curiously. Looking for any signs of doubt, though it doesn't bother him. He's just fine being under her gaze.

"Pleasure doing business with you Tess."

She snaps her head to him, her brows furrowed together, her mouth just slightly aghast, and then she laughs. It's not more than a giggle, but Joel can tell it's genuine, her dimples lay endearing on her pale cheeks.

"I knew this was too good to be true."

* * *

Joel watches her small blonde head bounce across the field. Her thin legs pumping to get to the other side, sheer determination written on her face. He forgot how fast she was. How determined she was to win, the lengths she would go to stop the ball, or to kick it as far out as possible. It troubles him how he never noticed the power his daughter had.

 _Maybe she would have made it with me through it all._

Joel watches her match silently from the sidelines. His hood drawn up over his head, hands shoved in his pocket, his gaze fixed on Sarah.

Just for a moment something catches his eye. The ref blows his whistle and both teams scatter away to their side of the playing field. Sarah's group huddles in a circle, their coach, an old history teacher from her school is talking strategy, his arms waving frantically to emphasize his points.

His eyes drift to the other team. The kids stand clustered around a young woman, listening intently to her as she kneels before them, smiling and talking rapidly. She's wearing a light jumper, with the nation's children soccer league logo plastered on her shoulders. He watches her rile up her team for a moment, almost gazing unthinkingly, until she looks at him too.

His breath catches in his throat. Joel feels his whole body go hot in an instant. His stomach churns in ways he never thought he'd feel, and yet it doesn't hurt him.

He almost didn't recognize her. With her hair pulled pack in a tight, neat ponytail, her skin filled with youthfulness, her body just as slim but without the muscle and raggedness she carried before. The death of the world hadn't gotten to her yet.

As she continues to look at him while still pep talking her group, Joel tries to draw breath in at a normal pace, finding it uncomfortably difficult. He had felt the same with Sarah. The realization he could touch and feel her touch again was too much.

He had let her _go_. He had seen her body. He had gotten over the memory that was once her in his life and had moved on, truly knowing he would never see her again. She was gone to him as if she had never been there.

Yet she was here.

The ref blew his whistle again pulling Joel out of his trance. He watched her high-five each of her players, her smile beaming with soulfulness he had never seen. The game started again, and she made her way off the field, into the crowd. He wanted to go after her. Now. He never cared about his composure anyways.

He tried to focus on Sarah again, tried to remind himself the possibility that none of this was real, but then – oh god. She was coming towards him, matter of fact she was running to him. He only had a few seconds to arrange himself before she jogged up alongside him and slide right in front of his view.

The smell of her hit him first. She smelt the same. It made him feel lost and weak and happy and crazy like no time had passed between them form when she had left.

 _But it had._

"Tess," he rasped quietly, pain still hidden inside her name. He blinked hard taking her in and thought for a moment, everything was okay again. His mind didn't fail him, she was exactly as he remembers, and it sobered him. Diamond shaped face, high cheekbones, chestnut eyes, soft hair, rosy lips, everything was the same. This couldn't be real.

She smiled sweetly at him, the sun reflecting of her face angelically. He noticed the youth she presented him with. Her eyes didn't crinkle when she smiled anymore. Her faced wasn't grizzled with scars and deep lines that he had once memorized. She was young again.

"Hey big guy," she swooned, pulling a strand out of her face back into her ponytail, her teeth shining through her smile, content with cleanliness. "Your girl is kicking my team's ass out there," she laughs, glancing quickly towards the ongoing game.

"I can see the fire in her from you," Tess slurs, reaching her hand out to his arm, grazing him lightly.

He flinches slightly at her touch, and looks down quickly at her hand, like she had burned him. She catches his discomfort in his eyes and pulls her hood up around her hair too, quickly licking her lips.

"Look," she says more quietly, losing her sultry tone, "you don't have to worry. I already told you I'm in a sticky situation with him at home, but were safe here. You're just a soccer dad and I'm just a soccer coach."

"W-What?" Joel spluttered. His head still clogged with confusion and disbelief. He felt light-headed, like he was taking in everything after it happened, like he wasn't really in front of her.

She gives him a weak smile, her eyes narrowing slightly. "My fiancé never liked to come to these things with me anyways. He'll be out of your sight the whole night Joel."

And suddenly he feels his breath being taken away again.

 _You had a fiancé?_

He stands stunned before her, the faint sounds of the game in the distance. The crowd of parents and kids cheer as someone scores a goal, yet Tess crosses her arms in front of her, a small pout evident on her face.

She sighs heavily into the Austin crisp afternoon air, as Joel watches every feature of her without blinking, never wavering his eyes once. He has the faint urge to hurt her, like he does with everything that's dead and walking.

"I'll be up later tonight if you want to reach me," she says, pulling out her whistle, getting ready to be a role model again. "Whatever mood you're in," she snarls, "I hope it dies once you get some food in your stomach and sense in your brain. You're not giving up on me yet."

Joel watches her walk away from him in a trance.

He wouldn't dream of it.

* * *

The first thing he feels the humid morning of May 18th is the cold sharp edge of a switchblade pressed up snug against his neck. He wakes up instantly.

"Morning cowboy," a familiar voice taunts close enough to his ear he can feel their breath hot with malice. He knows its Tess immediately. He's practically memorized everything about this damn girl.

"I'll admit," she sneers, moving into his view, blocking the moonlight from the small window he had above his head, "you had me fooled. The whole scheme about your 'group 'in desolate need from this malicious parade of asshole had me intrigued, not going to lie." She leans in closer to him, straddling his chest, her feet pinning his hands to the mattress. "I was weak back then, a little vulnerable, scared, but mostly desperate. I trusted you. Fuck if I'm any of those things now."

She looks at him curiously, watching his breathing rate grow rapidly, his pulse vibrate through his neck. She slides the knife there. "I should have known you were the real threat. You were just so eager to get a woman into your group of hunters weren't you? Figured you'd have your turn with me eventually, huh?"

"Tess," he rasps, careful not to move his neck against the tip of her blade.

"Shut up," she spits, digging the knife in deeper, drawing blood. "You're not the only one who has tricks up their sleeve you know?" She leans back and laughs lightly, "Not everyone around here can be seduced and maneuvered easily," she looks down at him again, "but a lot more than I expected could."

"You were always safe," he quickly coughed, causing her to lunge with anger.

"You might have fucked Tommy over until he was too weak to fight back, but you weren't going to do that to me." He sees the eeriness in her eyes, he knows she's angry, but she couldn't bring herself to hurt him. "I do shit to survive, just like everyone else, but I would never use my own like that. He was your brother." Joel can see her eyes pricking with tears, her voice wavering with uncertainty. "You asshole!"

"Tess," he tries again, but she doesn't listen.

"Listen," she says sternly, any hint of weariness gone. "I've had half our group on my side for weeks. They've all been reporting to me, all loyal to me, and they're done with this fucked up shit you let pass around here."

She wipes her nose instinctively, keeping a blank face she's been practicing for years. "I run things around here now, I make the rules, and I've decided we're going to Boston," and suddenly he watches her become the woman he always knew she was, "and you're coming with me."

* * *

Joel remembers the night's his brother and he used to spend in this groupie bar just off of the freeway to get hammered or watch football. He had brought Ellie here after finding her on the side of a dirt road collapsed into herself and thought they needed a place to unwind, were she could be shocked or confused or happy or maybe feel nothing. He wanted her to find herself in a place where she couldn't be Ellie.

She had got the menu and immediately reminded Joel why she could be such a pain in the ass but also always what he needed all the damn time.

"Bacon wrapped ribs _are you kidding me!_ " the redhead exclaimed. "Holy fuck! These hamburgers look so fucking good. Hey! A killer dad burger," she giggles easily, "you should get that."

He gives her a stern look and takes a well needed sip of beer. He sighs internally as the rye of the wheat coats his tongue and slides down his throat. No post-apocalyptic handmade beer could replicate this.

Ellie smiles at him. "Someone just found there new best friend…" she quipped in a high pitched voice, laughing as Joel threw his paper menu at her in response.

"You just wait girl," he drawled," you gon' be having the same reaction once you get that burger in your hands."

And she did.

"Ohmergad thish ish shhooo ghoouud," she moaned around a mouthful of hamburger, her eyes closed in the ecstasy of taste.

Normally he would scold her for talking with food in her mouth, a common manner problem of hers, but he just laughed and let her enjoy this moment all to herself. She had finished the meal with a strawberry milkshake and chocolate mousse with she swore was the 'best thing she ever tasted in her fucking life'.

The ride home was filled with questions which Joel was more than happy to answer until his breaking point, which occurred around 4 minutes in. They came to the house around a little past 11, and much past Sarah's bedtime in the old days, but she was up once they walked and started hounding Ellie with questions, puzzled by her voidance.

Joel never expected her to answer, but she did. She talked to Sarah perpetually that night while Joel dozed off in a leather recliner chair he had once loved when he lived here, listening to their chatter in the background as he lazily fell asleep.

He felt safe for once.

* * *

Thirty minutes later he heard a knock on the door.

Instinctively he woke with a start, his senses returning to him quick by reflex over the years of dealing with an abundance of threats. He stiffly got out of the chair and looked around him. Ellie and Sarah were gone, to bed he had hoped, but he never assumed anymore.

He heard the knock again, coming from the front door. He looked at the clock above him, hanging on the mantel just over the door. It was almost midnight.

 _Who would be here at this time? Is it Tess?_

With hope he walked towards the door and opened, anticipating to see a tall, slender brunette waiting for him.

But it wasn't.

It was a young girl. Around Ellie's age. She had smooth dark skin, brown eyes that looked at him with hints of amber, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She peered up at him and gave a weak smile.

"Hi Mr. Miller."

 _She knows my name? Fuck._

"I know it's late," she addressed, pulling on the end of her jacket with fidgeting hands, "way too late for an excuse, I know, but I have nowhere else to go."

He can see her better as his eyes adjust to the light. Her face is puffy and red, like she had just been crying, and just by chance he sees a bruise forming on her cheek before she notices and looks down at the ground to avoid his grave.

Realization dawns on him. "Riley," he breathes into the night,causing the girl to look up at him with wet eyes.

"Look," she sniffles, "my situation at home is… bad to say the least. You guys are my only option here and I can't go back to home because it will just continue, and I promise just for tonight if I could sleep in the basement and I'll be quiet just please-"

"Shh," Joel shushes her, opening up the door for her to come in. He knew Ellie would be disappointed if he refused to let her stay, although trust was hard to come by with him, but he knew harmless when he saw it. "Nothing's wrong with asking for help."

She looks up at him and smiles. "Thanks. I promise I'll have a plan tomorrow, but just please… don't tell Ellie."

He narrows his eyes in confusion. She sighs and wipes the tears from her cheek roughly, "she's been doting on me lately and I don't want her to think..," she giggles oddly, sniffing heavily through her nose, "I don't want her to think it's working."

"Why don't you get some sleep," he says softly. She nods and heads towards the basement of his house, a spare bedroom and a soft mattress waiting for her, her best friend fast asleep above her, oblivious to her sudden awakening.


End file.
